Yesterday was too painful to write. I drove around for hours just thinking. In my debut post I introduced a man in my life, who I thought would be mentioned more than it seems he has. Now, I've admitted to myself there are two men in my life... the one who would be there, and the one who should. So I feel like I should introduce them both.
The "current", or at least latest, boo. I don't think he realises himself that there's anything wrong. I definitely did love him. For 2 and a half years I loved him. But theres the problem. I've started to open myself to the possibility that it is now past tense. I'm not naive and I know sometimes it happens that relationships fade, but I also know it's not that simple this time. If he were all I knew, then I would have found the most amazing person to plan my future with. Somebody who'll love me, who I get on with, who makes me laugh, who enjoys my company and I enjoy his... I could go on and on...
But then there's him. The past. The one I've never forgotten. The one I think about at some point of every day. The one who songs remind me of. The one who could make my heart race if he wanted to. The one who from the moment I knew him made me feel like I was completely whole. The one who a relationship with was bloody difficult. So passionate sparks flew and tempers rose. But the one who made it all worth it without doing a thing.
I want one. I need the other. One wants me. The other can't bring himself to go back.
2 comments:
OOMG you deserve better than that. Fuck. Life sucks.
But on a positive note, how are you?
Oh, and I hope we both find someone who appreciates our coolness for what it is.
I like that at last... after years, I can see that it's not that I'm "messed up", It really is that I haven't found the person to appreciate that I comit myself wholly to everything I do and feel!
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