I think it is time for the truth. The truth to you all about how I came to be in this situation and at some point to come I think I need to tell Mr Should what's in my heart. Now of course, it's not the whole truth I'll be telling. Too much honesty never fared anybody well. I can share the facts of my angst here without revealing the truth of who I am, a copout I know. And though in my head I'd have this entire conversation mapped out, what I'd say to him and what he'd reply and all the scripted perfection of idealism i know that in reality I will choke and he will wonder what it was I got him here to tell and why I didnt just send him a text and why I made such a big deal of something seemingly so small.
No, I probably will not tell him how I suspect I have fallen for him again, nor is it likely that I will tell him how scared I am of that fact nor how much I would love him if he only gave me the chance. But a truth of sorts I feel is on the cards. Enough honesty to make him really think, hopefully really remember the emotion possible, maybe even fall for me? But little enough to salvage some sort of friendship after it all if he really is done with me for life. Nightmare!
So maybe tomorrow I'll share with you the conversation which stirred this all. What I can remember of it anyway as sobriety was not on my side when it happened. Surprise Surprise. And maybe tomorrow also I'll send the pre written message asking him to spare a little of his time before I go back to college. What a killer if he doesn't even agree to hear me out. That wouldn't be a total shocker either. Oh dear, this is not a well dreamt up fantasy!!!!
*Massive sigh*
1 comment:
Sounds like your juggling men. Pick wisely. You have a good crop to pick from at your age. I am guessing 20's?? I didn't look at your profile. You can drag them in with decent cooking. They all want to marry their mother!!! Seriously! Good sex helps. But, the food takes it home.
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